Day Eight

Today featured the first little hiccup in the yoga bomb's effectiveness. The whole class just felt a little off. I got there slightly late and I never really got centered. Something was eating at my insides the entire class. In retrospect it was probably the baked beans I had at lunch. Some of these poses are tough to sink into when you are spending all of your concentration trying not to rip a horrendous fart. This class also saw us requested to flow into and out of viradhadrasana III (warrior III) with our breath. I really must reiterate how impossible this is to me right now. Some of us chose instead to stand at the front of our mats with our hands at prayer pose. OK, only I made this modification. The danger came in the isolated core work near the end of class. I could not tell you what the posture was called but I named it the groin tearer since I definitely might have felt a little pop in the torn abdominal muscle.

Instructor: Matt
Pain level: Orange
Highlight of the class: Well I was going to say the isolated abs we were doing. I had a pretty good shake until the abdomen went.
Favorite posture: No idea what it was called but a leaning lunge with our arms slightly wrapped felt good on the hips.
Least favorite posture: The groin tearer, obviously.

Day Seven

Today's class was led by everyone's favorite ashtanga teacher who no longer teaches ashtanga with any great regularity, missed teaching ashtanga so she decided to lead us through a pared down ashtanga class. What does that mean? Fucked if I know but it is almost as fun to type as it is to say. Ashtanga! I just know that I was a little sore and tired from yesterday's class and this did not sound like a brilliant idea at the time. Still, except for some extra long holds of downward-facing dog it was an excellent class today.

Instructor: Rebecca
Pain level: Yellow
Highlight of the class: In a meditative pose Rebecca asked us to hold ourselves in stillness despite urges to fidget. This brought a wry smile to my face as I often play this game with my cats in the morning. I never, ever win.
Favorite posture: Virabhadrasana I (warrior I). Felt good on my groin which probably means I was doing it wrong.
Least favorite posture: Adho mukha svanasana (downward-facing dog). As previously mentioned this pose was harder than normal due to exhaustion in the arms. Fortunately there was another penis in the class today and its surrounding body seemed to shake during these holds as well. Or my vision was shaky from my own inability to hold, but I stand by my reasoning.

Day Six

My first 4:30 class and boy what a shock that was! Fortunately the air conditioning was blasting because I am not sure I make it through the workout with a power heat level. The first thing that gets said when I find my ass on my mat is that someone has requested we work the abs tonight. Great! I love core work! Helps me drink more without getting noticeably fatter! In fact the entire class seemed to be dedicated to core strength, hip opening, and balance postures. This seemed like the perfect class for me due to my flabby core, my impossibly tight hips, and my utter lack of balance. In reality it was actually a great class. I had a blast. I worked hard, I sweat a lot, and I felt quite a bit like I was run over by a truck.

Instructor: Toby
Pain level: Yellow
Highlight of the class: Toby telling me she will remember my name because I was the only guy in the class. That's right, there was upwards of an entire penis in that class!
Favorite pose: Oblique crunches. Anything to make my love handles stronger.
Least favorite pose: Virabhadrasana III (warrior III). Listen fuckers, I cannot get into this pose and you cannot make me!

Day Five

This one was a little rough. I was covered in sweat and reeking of PBR, and that was just from the effort of getting out of bed. I also definitely need to wash that yoga mat. Four classes in and it smells terrible. This will be something to monitor over the next month. A yoga bomb consumes a great deal of my free time, time that could be spent washing smelly things that will annoy my fellow yogis. This class was interesting because the instructor wanted us to concentrate on our chakras. We started with the muladhara chakra that controls lust and obsession. That one is working well. We moved up through the swadhisthana and manipura chakras that control violence, addiction, fear, and anxiety. Check, check, check, and check. We eventually climbed to the ajna chakra that controls clarity on an intuitive level, as in your third eye. At this point we came up a little empty. I am pretty sure my third eye opened, looked around, did not like what it saw and left for a cat.

Instructor: Sushma
Pain level: Yellow
Highlight of the class: When Sushma told us to concentrate on our genitals. I have news for you Ms. Yoga Instructor, I am ALWAYS concentrating on my genitals.
Favorite pose: Prasarita padottanasana (wide-angle forward bend). Smell my sweaty, PBR fueled ass fellow yogis!
Least favorite pose: Virabhadrasana III (warrior III) - I cannot get into this pose as it puts too much strain on the torn abdomen.