Day Seventeen

My third day of rest found me sitting in a car for several hours as I drove north. Sitting for long periods of time has been a source of discomfort since the injury. I found this drive to be relatively pain free. As long as I sat with good posture in the car I was able to avoid the inevitable back pain that has plagued me since the injury. It is almost like all of these muscle groups are tied together. Weird, I know. Thank goodness I drive a German car so there is room for my freakishly long torso to sit fully upright without banging my head into the ceiling. It occurs to me that this far into the bomb I was hoping to have made noticeable strides towards health but I suppose that it was an unrealistic expectation. The general rule of thumb is that it takes you twice as long to heal as you nursed the injury. Too bad I cannot continue this yoga pace for the next 3 years. Regardless I feel I have made important strides towards recovery by cleverly clearing out all that scar tissue in the lower abdomen. And by cleverly I mean painfully. Oh well.

Day Ten

Today is my second consecutive day without doing yoga thanks to the power outage yesterday. I figured the extra day off would give me an opportunity to recover from the setback Wednesday. Mostly it seemed to be an opportunity to get bitten up by mosquitoes and drink wine. While this mysteriously did not make the torn abdominal muscle feel any better it did help me to concentrate on something besides the discomfort. Taking a step back and observing my overall experience after (almost) a full week of classes I can say that I am noticing a pleasant overall body soreness. Even though I am taking all-levels classes the instructors are leading us through series of poses that are almost as challenging as power classes. I have heard that at this level the only difference between the two classes is the heat of the room. A power class is generally in a hotter room to allow for more openness in your muscles. If you are nursing an injury it is also an opportunity to over-extend yourself and make the injury worse. Given that I have already over-extended myself and made my injury worse maybe I should look into the power classes.

Day Nine

This shit done gone blown up! No seriously, an apocalyptic thunderstorm blew through knocking out power to the yoga studio. Due to the fire code that means class cannot be held because otherwise, what the fuck? It was warm enough, it was light enough, and the music sucks anyway. Instead I retired to my friend's house where I had the option of running through a series of stretches with her or drinking scotch and watching her do yoga.



I stand by my choice but that is actually creepier than it sounds. Hey, my groin hurts! Wait, I really mean the abdomen right next to my cock. Um, I should probably stop talking.

Instructor: Highland Park
Pain level: Orange but probably headed to yellow after enough Highland Park
Highlight of the class: Highland Park
Favorite posture: Highland Park
Least favorite posture: Passed out face first in the toilet (NOTE: speculative)

Day Three

Friday night is a night described to me as the perfect night to take off from yoga. It gives me an opportunity to sit back and assess where I am in terms of my injuries. There is a moderate amount of pain in my groin and abdomen. My hip is a little stiff and there is a surprising amount of soreness in my triceps. On the bright side gin and tonics are still delicious. I find it is always a good idea to drink clear liquor the night before a morning yoga class. Of course I have never done a morning yoga class so this might actually be a terrible idea. I think I might contemplate this over another gin and tonic. You may not want to put your mat next to mine tomorrow.

Welcome to my yoga bomb

What is a yoga bomb? It is six yoga classes a week for a full month. Why a yoga bomb? Well anyone who knows me understands that at this point in my life I am held together mostly with tattoos and hate. Specifically I am nursing a torn lower abdominal muscle as well as two masses of scar tissue where my groins used to be. Additionally my lower back is seizing up at inopportune moments and according to some of you cunts I am a little too high strung. I suppose a genuine effort to relax and unwind for 75 minutes a day could not hurt. Well it could not hurt my psyche, it will probably shred what little is left of my groin.

The yoga bomb will be dropped at the Samadhi Yoga Studio. Each update will include an update on my pain level on the Homeland Security color-coded system as follows:
Green - Holy shit I am cured!
Blue - Hey, that is not bad!
Yellow - Well this pain is familiar
Orange - I fear I may have made things worse
Red - Call a surgeon!